So finally, after four episodes school time teen angst, we move into (according to Kaito and Ichika) a summer that they would never forget. Much like their school days, this summer is also filled with unrequited love and teenage emotions, except it happens while filming a movie. Although this didn’t really feel too different from the huge four episode prologue type thing, that isn’t really a bad thing, because for all of it’s angsty teen subject matter, it’s still fairly enjoyable. But it’d be a lot better if the two main characters would stop being such retards (thankfully we’ve got Tetsuro to help with that). We also get Remon silently trolling Ichika and Kanna being a bitch. Oh, and did you know, Kaito’s beehive cancer is cured now, because it sure as hell hasn’t bothered him in a while.
Kaito and Ichika are both idiots, there is no way you can disagree with this. Exactly what in the hell does Kaito and all of the others think that Rinon is? I mean, it’s already been established that he is stupid enough to think that Rinon is just some animal, but now everyone else is too? Remon brings this thing out in public, in the middle of the day, and they still act like it’s a completely normal life form. Speaking of that, how did Remon even get Rinon, and where was she keeping her this whole time? That could probably be considered animal cruelty, that is, if Rinon was a fucking animal. However, Ichika is equally stupid; how in the world does she know enough about the Japanese culture to pass exams there, yet not know enough to know that you don’t make pasta with soba noodles, or there is no such thing as chocolate curry? And that whole conversation she had with Kaito about how he would react to a real alien would have probably been a little too suspicious for me, but of course, I’m not as dense as a two year old. Is Remon the only person who has a head on their shoulders? Well, Tetsuro kind of knows what’s going on too, but is too obsessed with Kanna to notice that anything is up with Ichika.
Anyway, the first half of this episode is (finally) spent on making their movie. Although Remon said she’d handle the script, it’s very obvious that it’s really about Ichika and the real reason she said the script would be written each day is because she probably plans to make it about Ichika’s everyday life on earth. God, does Ichika not think that this is strange at all? They just happen to be making a movie about and alien girl landing in their town, she just happens to be playing the alien, and she just happens to be staying with Kaito? Hmmm…. sound familiar Ichika? Man, I really like it when the main characters are clueless to everything except how to breathe. This segment is rather entertaining, not just because it was what I was expecting the first time I heard about this show, but because it’s a good break from all the love quadrangles and such. It does quickly change back to the standard format of the show, with this episode dealing more with Kanna in particular.
Now, Kanna’s a nosy bitch, but at least she finally admits it. She goes to his house on a rainy day, pretty much to make sure Kaito and Ichika aren’t having sex, and even asks Ichika when she’s going to be leaving. But at least then she finally realizes how much of a jealous obnoxious bitch she’s being, and talks to Tetsuro, who came to find her because Mio told on her, about her feelings for Kaito. Speaking of her, does she just not wear clothes when she’s home? Both times they’ve shown her at her house she’s been completely nude, and I can’t really see some high school girl who walks around her home naked as a terribly shy person. Anyway, I really hope they give her a reason for liking Kaito, because he doesn’t really seem like too amazing of a guy; he’s a complete idiot for one thing. In most shows like this, they’d at least have a reason why the obvious second banana girl likes the lead, either because she’s his childhood friend, he did something for her that was really nice, or some other stupid shit like that. It might not be very convincing, but at least it’s a reason. At least Tetsuro kind of has a reason to like Kanna, as generic as it may be, but he’s not an asshole about it, he knows that she doesn’t feel that way so he shouldn’t force himself onto her, unlike what she’s doing with Kaito.
But we do get something somewhat unexpected this episode at least. Although in most anime the girl with the crush on the main guy would never tell him, or at the very least wait until the last episode to tell him, Tetsuro decides to make things a little more interesting and spur the show along a little bit by confessing to Kaito for Kanna. While that was kind of a douchey thing to do on his part, at least it gives us something to look forward to for next week. So good for Tetusro, even though it’s entirely possible he’s just doing it to see if Kaito likes her, so he can either give up on her or pursue her more, at least it got something moving. Hopefully Kaito doesn’t just blow it off and act all awkward for the entire next episode like Ichika did – the last thing this show needs is more awkward teen angst.
Hopefully next week Ichika will tell Kaito that she’s an alien, and the story will actually get a little more interesting form there. It seems like she’s a little more open to the idea because of their conversation, but I don’t think she really has anything to be concerned over. After all, we are talking about the guy who thinks Rinon is normal. You know what, I bet when she tells him he assumes that she means an immigrant. Makes sense right? She’s a foreigner, she had nowhere to stay – she’s an illegal immigrant. But seriously, why do the two main characters have to be such complete morons? Kaito claims that he isn’t going to be able to survive the summer, just because Ichika’s boobs are going to be too distracting, he’s too retarded to think that Kanna likes her, and he thinks Rinon is an everyday animal. I don’t really have a lot of hope for this guy, and I call bullshit on this guy knowing how to splice and edit 8mm film. Is it too much to ask for a harem lead not to be a completely oblivious retard?
Good God, this show is slow as shit. After five episodes there is still barley any plot and Karen’s illness still hasn’t been cured, though the next episode should fix that. But of course then Araragi will have it, and it’ll take three episodes for him to get rid of it, so that doesn’t help anything too much.
Fortunately, the show finally tells what happened when Kaiki cursed Karen, or at least Araragi’s version of what happened to her. After Karen tells Kaiki, a grown adult male, that she, a middle school girl, is going to beat him up so bad that he’ll stop selling curses and the cures to them, he gives a long winded talk about what his motives are. His desire, simply enough, is money (or so he claims). And, yeah, that makes sense; middle school kids aren’t exactly the hardest market to cater to. Think about what happened with Sengoku; she was cursed by some girl because she rejected some boy that the other girl liked As stupid a reason as that is, that definitely sounds like some typical school melodrama, and something that a bitchy girl would do if she had the opportunity to. So as long as there are stupid, jealous, and assholish kids around, the Kaiki will have a market for his rather pricey curses. After Kaiki gives Karen his advice about the world and money, he curses her for being such an idiot and thinking she could have actually done something to him and leaves.
And that’s about all of the plot that’s in this episode. Hanekawa and Araragi talk for a while as they walk home, but don’t really say anything too important. She does make another allusion to Kizumonogatari but nothing like the big-ass spoiler that Shinobu dropped in the previous episode. I really that for the sake of the people who haven’t read it, the show doesn’t talk too much about Kizumonogatari, but at the same time, you’re technically supposed to know what happened back then at this point in the series, so it’s possible that some parts of this series will talk about it. They also talk for a moment about Oshino, and Araragi says that he thinks Oshino will be back to help them with Karen’s problem. So, maybe Osino is going to come back at some point in the series, if the show is going to talk about a character that has supposedly left so blatantly.
The rest of the episode focuses on what should be a very awkward situation. Now, maybe the Japanese are even more sexual than I thought, but I have a sister who’s two years younger than me, and I would break my own arm with a sledge hammer before I would do anything like that with her, not to mention that she would probably do the same to me if I even asked her to. Perhaps Araragi’s relationship with his sisters is just that good, but I thinks it’s more than likely just fanservice. Of course, he’s just trying to be a good brother and help his sick sister, but I don’t really think that Shaft was about to pass up on a chance to have him do this. But not only does this scene contain Araragi stripping his sister and wiping her down with rags, it gets even more awkward. After Karen tells Araragi that she doesn’t want to get him sick, he gets the idea to ask Shinobu is there’s a way to transfer her illness to him, similar to what he attempted to do with the snakes that were constricting Sengoku. This being an anime, the obvious answer would be “sex”, but since they can’t show that on TV, the next best answer would be to make out. And yes, that’s the answer. Apparently if Araragi kisses Karen, then the illness will be transferred to him; I guess Shaft wanted to apologize to their fans for having to censor Shinobu, and they decided that wincest was the next best thing. Sorry, but my sister would just have to deal with it if that happened to her.
I’m not entirely sure how well Karen is going to receive that request next episode, but I’d imagine about half the episode is going to be spent convincing her to allow him to do it. Or he could just go for it and the first three seconds of the show and Karen could beat the shit out of him after, but either way, I can’t picture her accepting it too well. Also, how does that really solve the problem? Araragi will still have it, so he still has to find a way to get rid of it, or maybe he just assumes that his vampiric body will resist the poison. But if Shinobu said that the fire wreathe bee is a low level monster, then it should be fairly easy to deal with, so Araragi wanting to take the illness onto himself can have only two reasons. One: he’s so nice of a person that he’d kiss his sister to help her, or two: fanservice. I think the real reason is probably equally split among those two.
Really, I can’t see where this show is going. I mean, Kaiki’s kind of an asshole, but he doesn’t really seem bad enough to be a very menacing villain. He wants to make money and has found a simple and effective way to make it, after all, if you’re good at something never do it for free. Hopefully he’s given more depth as the series goes on and isn’t just portrayed as some douchebag who wants a bunch of money.
Okay, we now know Shu’s deep and thought-provoking reason for joining Funeral Parlor; to bang Inori. He says it straight up in this episode that he went with them because she came to the giant Property Damage fest last episode, and that he even wants to leave together with her. You may be just a little premature there, bud, after all, you’ve only known her for about a week, if that. Other than Shu’s loser reason to be where he is, and him whining about Gai, this is pretty much a “You’re one of us now” episode.
It also features everybody’s favorite cripple, Nunnal- I mean Ayase, who’s a typical tsundere, only she’s in a wheelchair. She’s been tasked with teaching Shu how to be a terrorist, but doesn’t like him, because he tried to be nice to her. Seriously, I’ve never known why people in wheelchairs in movies and T.V. always have to be such assholes about people helping them out. This may just be me, but when I hold the door open for crippled or disabled people, they don’t tell me to go burn in hell for trying to be nice to them. And I knew the second Shu said something about her wheelchair, she was going to bitch him out, or punch him or something.
So after Shu passes out for no apparent reason, he awakes in a bed naked, for no apparent reason. But a “humorous” scene occurs when Cripple comes in the room only to see his junk hanging out, so she slaps him for not having clothes, as tsunderes often do. She also has Shu’s communicator pen, and promises to give it back to him if he becomes a member. Then they go around to all the different training whatchamacallits and for some reason, the members are surprised that a high school boy isn’t a professionally trained hitman/terrorist. But really, why would Shu ever have to do any of that? I’d imagine his single task would be to blow stuff up with voids, not to be a pro knife fighter.
Next we have a huge lolfest of a scene. After he finds her singing, as he always seems to, Shu pretty much tells Inori that he wants to make love to her and that the whole reason he even considered joining was because of her. If you were expecting her to say stuff like she did on the train and last episode, sucks for you, because all that stuff she said was only something that Gai told her to do so Shu would join them. Well, good for her, or her character at least. I’m glad she’s not some doe-eyed romantic set-piece for Shu, and still has some mystery around what she is. So obviously, Shu feels like a huge asshole, and wonders why he even bothered to come with them, but that feeling gets even worse when he sees Inori going in to Gai’s room, obviously to have sex.
Well, in the scene it shows of them in his room she’s sitting beside some hospital bed and Gai talks about how much someone looks like her, but really, what else could you possibly thing when you look at this? So, Shu runs away crying about how everybody loves Gai, and runs into Tsudere. Instead of being a bitch to him, she actually tells him to do good at the test the next day, and soon he’ll see everything from their point of view.
Finally, we have the big battle scene thing that must happen every episode, which consist of Shu playing paintball with a mecha. Instead of playing by the rules, he uses hax and pulls a Void out one of the members who are watching (who is also dangerously close, by the way). So after he cheats by using a Void everybody cheers and accepts him, even the bitchy crippled girl. But obviously things can’t stay good for too long and Tsugumi tells everyone that some giant laser cannon thing fired where Gai was. What is it? I don’t know and the show doesn’t explain what it was, or where it was.
Hey, who knows, maybe Gai will die and Shu will get to take over Funeral Parlor. Yeah, why not? Gurren Lagann did it, so why can’t this show? But I’m just making shit up, I really don’t think that that’ll happen. But, God, I really want this show to go somewhere fast, because it actually seems to be getting better, or maybe I’m just adjusting to it’s mediocrity, who knows?
My God, doesn’t anyone let anybody finish anything anymore? Surely these ancient kings were raised with enough etiquette to know that you don’t interrupt someone when they’re in the middle of something. First, Rider crashes down in the middle of everything, and interrupts Saber and Lancer’s battle, just so he can ask them to help him conquer the world. Then, after they decline, Rider decides that this place could use some more people who don’t need to be there and pretty much says, “You’re a pussy if you don’t come here” to all the servants. Well, Archer is not one to be called a pussy, so he decides to show up and explain how amazing and perfect he is, while everyone else is completely unimportant.
After Archer finishes his speech about how cool he is, more people who don’t need to be there show up. Finally, the show recognizes that Kariya is in fact alive, and his servant Berserker shows up to prove how much of a BAMF he is, and that he is. After he completely owns the shit out of Archer, Tokiomi, Archer’s master, interrupter even more stuff, by having him retreat, thereby leaving another battle unfinished. Then, Berserker gets in the middle of Saber and Lancer’s fight by bum rushing Saber with a giant metal pipe. After that, Lancer stops there fight, wanting to kill Berserker so he can honorably finish his duel with Saber. But Lancer’s master screws stuff up even more, and makes Lancer fight along with Berserker to kill Saber by using one of his three command seals. BUT THEN, Rider plows over Berserker and stops the fight between Saber, Lancer, and Berserker. Then, Lancer decides to retreat, and Saber feels the need to taunt us even further by saying stuff like “This is just the begging of the War”. Bitch. So let’s look at this:
- Saber vs. Lancer – ended by Rider
- Archer vs. Berserker – ended by Tokiomi
- Berserker vs. Saber – ended by Lancer
- Lancer & Berserker vs. Saber – ended by Rider
- Saber vs. Lancer – ended by Lancer
Come on, have some courtesy people, let the guys finish what they started.
God damn, what a teaser of an episode. Cool battles were continuously stopped, and not much happened in the development of the story, other than that Kariya still exists, and Caster wants to mount Saber. Speaking of which, that was a weird scene, and whoever voices Caster is a crazy motherfucker, or at least his voice sounds like it. But, I’m going to go ahead and make the assumption that not many battles will be completed before the shows hiatus after episode 13, in fact, I’ll go so far as to say that the only time any servant will actually be killed, if at all, will be the climax of episode 13. And once again, almost nothing is shown about Kariya and Ryuunosuke and their servants, other than that they’re still around and are still aware the war exists. Almost no plot development, and a bunch a fights that were prematurely ended just so the show can tease us to watch more. Well… you got me.